I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like to, or letter writing, either. I can feel the words and thoughts piling up inside my head and my heart. I just haven't had the time to sit and write; or more accurately, I haven't taken the time. And then when I do have a few free minutes, I just have no energy left. March is an obnoxiously long month. It's not fair, really; it's the longest month of the year. No holidays (well, no work holidays), no bonus days off. This year we don't even get Easter until April. Yeah, I know; life isn't fair, why should March be any different.
The busy part is my fault, actually. I'm the one who scheduled 27 programs in a 31 day month, and that's just work things. If I add in the fun stuff (not that the work stuff is all mundane, but still....), the friends and family and frolicking things, it would be a scary busy number indeed. It seems to be something I do a couple months a year; you'd think I'd learn. Ah well, I'll sleep sometime in April, I guess.
But if you forget about the work stress, the wondering and fleeting angst, the mud, the snow, the long days and longer weeks ... ok, back to the positive, as I was trying to say ~ this is really one of my favourite times of the year; it always has been, and this year it seems even more so.
Today is the first day of spring, and it's almost really spring. I can feel it, I can smell it in the air. The geese are coming back, passing through; I heard them the other morning, early on a Sunday, and then again today ~ birds chirping and geese honking. The snow is melting, the ice is turning to mud. There is actual grass in the backyard. Ok, so there is a winter storm warning for this week, but still. It's spring. Well, it will be spring tonight at 7:20pm.
As if the equinox isn't enough for one weekend, there was a "super moon" last night, and it was pretty amazing. It was big and bright, and we actually had clear skies; that so rarely happens when there's a sky-gazing event. I could feel the power of the moon building all week. There was a little extra stress, a bit more angst of the unknown, and the people were a touch crazier than usual. It seems as if that all melted away overnight. Today is feeling like a day of release, of contemplation and introspection, of letting go of the past worries and accepting the challenges of the coming days, weeks, even months.
I made a decision this afternoon. I am going to get the word "whatever" out of my head. Well, I am going to get the word "whatever" ~ said in a resigned and somewhat unconfident, sort of sad and slightly sarcastic tone ~ out of my head. I have been saying it a lot lately, mostly to myself; and I have been thinking it even more. I don't like that attitude, and I refuse to live a "whatever" sort of life. I may not know exactly where I am going or how I am going to get there, but I am going to take charge of my own direction. I am going to work on becoming as confident, strong, and self-assured as the image I have been projecting; and I will do so throughout every aspect of my life, personal and professional. If I have a question, I will ask it. If I have a doubt, I will express it. If I have a smile, I will share it. If I have a dream, I will strive to make it come true (as long as there are no tap-dancing spiders....).
My life has been filled with possibilities lately. New friendships with old friends, ideas for explorations and adventures, new chances to smile and laugh and play. New eyes for some (my thoughts and heart are always with you, Merlyn ~ wait until you see what color my hair really is!), new ways to listen for others, new steps in different directions. Maybe even a new life direction, a new career; time will tell, and when it does I will tell. For now, it's enough that I am keeping my mind and my options open. And I am enjoying the ride.
In other news ... National Poetry Month, otherwise known as April, is fast approaching. I tried a plan last year and fell far short of the goal. I'm going to try this year to pick it back up and see if I can really write a poem, and read a poem, every day. I shall strive, I shall attempt, we shall see....
This has been a bit of a ramble; that seems to be what I am best at lately. It's a good thing. I am discovering that only when you ramble can you get there from here, and sometimes not even then. I am also very happy to have recently learned that I am not the only one who thinks that way. (Bonus: R.E.M. agrees.)
So with these final thoughts, I shall leave you for now. Happy Spring! Go 'Cuse! Be Happy!
Thanks for listening.